@Luke – OK – 3 things:
1) Audio @ 0:06 – 0:12 needs major work or re-recording – Consider using some b-roll and just recording voiceover at home.
2) Closing credits – Always best to end with a blank screen -You can freeze frame, just fade to black when done.
3) Cuts were good but could be more precise (downbeat of music)
Minor things in comparison to your first one – EXCELLENT progress on your part.
