You are a brave videographer indeed to invite opinions of a video on a forum! However, it is also a great way to get better at your craft so I congratulate you.
I would also second John's opinion. A solid yellow font is an odd choice for the flow of your video and outlined text, unless for a children's television show or for a carnival, should always be avoided. It tends to look like the default text option in Final Cut Pro. I would also encourage you to use a thinner, whispier font placed in the lower third of your screen. I think that would lend itself well to the editing style and musical feel of your piece.
Other than that, I think it's a great start! If you just keep making videos like the one above, you'll get better in no time.