Hey Francis, it’s obvious how


Hey Francis, it’s obvious how skilled you are! The major thing is that it’s so busy! As I watch it I want to see how it can help me as the consumer but when I watch your demo I get lost in all the reading, all the lines criss crossing, that the whole point gets lost. So I suppose telling the story has been sacrificed for you showing off how technically savy you are. Also there doesn’t feel to be any humanity in it… no feeling, so it seems kind of too technical. Sorry to say but I’d do it over. I’d put yourself up there talking to the cam or do a slide show with your voice over and making it personal! Hope that helps. Success to you. Don’t give up.

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