To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, “when you’re there there’s no there there.” Who is this about? What are you asking me to understand when I see disembodied hands sweeping papers to the floor, closing laptops, etc.? The time-lapse is endless and makes no point. You don’t focus my attention on either the swimming or the endless game. The flock of birds in the sunset would be beautiful — if only we could see them.
For any artistic piece to work it must have a subject with which (whom) the viewer can identify. It must make the viewer understand it’s viewpoint. Is the mystery person who trashes the papers on the desk one of the people on the dock? Is he/she bored already, or delighted to be free from school or work and at play? Is the ball game an expression of jubilation or of boredom? Who is watching the sunset and birds?
Time shifting and time lapse are two very different techniques. Time lapse has very little place in film making. For your next project I suggest you work at story telling; try taking this same idea and developing it so that we know whose viewpoint the tale is being told from, what they’re doing with their new-found freedom and what we’re to walk away from the experience understanding.
Good luck.
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