New Music Video with StoryLine/Narrative

[misterw]

I have had a few people watch and pick up completely on teh storyline and some say they didn't see any storyline at all. Others have articulated a storyline that I didn't anticipate (lol) So perhaps I have truly done a lousy job.. By now, I'm confused! Not that I can't re-shoot, but it just seems too wide a disparity on whether or not "MY" storyline is present.
At this point, if someone SAW a story/narrative that wasn't what I had envisioned, I could rest easy.
Would love your feedback.

I used Nikon 5100 DSLR with the "standard" 18-55 lens, Sony Vegas for editing/rendering and a few effects other than basic blending/cutting/splicing.

If it sucks, tell me… I plan to at least use these in a portfolio to get accepted in a videography production program. (It might be ok for it to suck, if the school thinks they can HELP me improve by taking their program…???)
Thanks, in advance.http://youtu.be/C06WIGAoZzs
FEEL FREE TO CRITIQUE ME

[Woody]

I would'nt say "Sucks". I would say its aggressive to the point of being visually confusing. I was watching the edit and didn't pic up on the storyline visually. I wasn't really listening to the words the whole time either. 

 

At times I thought I was picking up on a Christian message but got distracted from that by the aggressiveness of the edit. I saw a few very creative elements in camera work and editing but it was fast paced for me and I couldn't visually follow. Style is subjective and maybe your target audience is a bit faster paced than I am but I couldn't stay with it. I also thought the tempo of the edit fluctuated and didn't stay with the music and that kind of threw me off a bit in spots.

[Cville]

I might be showing my age but I have to agree with Woody on this.  Visually I thought there were some really good moments.  But I am not sure about the story line.  I got the impression that it was about being confused but I'm not sure where it was going.  I paused it and backed up a few times but I guess I didn't get it.  I may not be your target audience. 

 

But I would encourage you to keep shooting and editing.  What did come thru was talent with potential. 

 

Good luck with the video production program

[misterw]

Well let me first say THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WATCH N COMMMENT.  I am glad that both of you saw creativity. I am trying to re-think the editing a bit to bring out the story line more.. there is quite a bit of footage that i didnt use, but now I can go back and more selectively look to utilize for a better rendition.  

I want to try to, I guess, "slow down" the edits and be less aggressive, rather have a slower editing style with a full storyline presented. Not sure how to work on that though. Any suggestions would be most appreciated. 

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