First, while this is a work in progress, audio is such a huge part of getting the feel of the film, that its a bit hard to judge what you’re going for here without at least a scratch track. It’s kind of like only showing half the scenes. That being said, I’ll give it a go.
I like the montage of video windows at the beginning, it underscores the journey that the main character is taking by the video itself moving around the frame. This is one of those rare cases where an effect is used properly, to enhance the action in the frame, rather than just something cool to do. You might try changing the order of where the windows pop up based on the screen direction that the character is walking in. For example if the character is walking left to right through the frame, start the video window on the left side of the screen, and as he walks off camera to the right, make the next video window pop up on the right hand side of the screen to further accentuate his trip.
That being said though, you may want to think about cutting that sequence all together. I know it’s hard to cut something neat and stylish, but the story really seems to begin when the main character walks through the door to get his mail, so it should probably start there. In the editing room, this is called “killing your babies”. No matter how expensive, difficult, beautiful, etc. the shot is, if it doesn’t move the story forward, it needs to go. This can be hard, but needs to be done.
I like the security camera look and feel of the main part of the video (the one he watches on TV). Though on this rough cut its hard to piece together the plot, probably because of the missing CG elements. My feeling though, is that the chase goes on much to long. You can almost never go wrong by cutting down, and the chase probably could use a lot of trimming. I say probably because again, I’m not sure of the plot here.
Also I think there needs to be more reaction shots of the main character, preferably in close-up. I’m assuming that something weird is happening to him, but I don’t get to see his reaction to it, so I’m left feeling confused, rather than say in suspense. Let me see what the main character is feeling, and it will allow me to empathize with him.
In general you have a very stylized piece here with a lot of great locations. It’s hard to give detailed feedback on the rough-cut, but I look forward to seeing the finished product, please come back an let us see it when you’re through.
April 19th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Hi…
I would really appreciate if you could give me some feedback on my work in progress short film.
Please ignore the audio as this has been captured seperately via DAT and so what you hear now wont be in the final film.
Also I am working of 3D and 2D imagery to be composited into it so you have to use your imagination a bit right now!
I just wanted some feedback on the edit, the styling etc as it stands right now.
Many, many thanks!!
May 5th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
First, while this is a work in progress, audio is such a huge part of getting the feel of the film, that its a bit hard to judge what you’re going for here without at least a scratch track. It’s kind of like only showing half the scenes. That being said, I’ll give it a go.
I like the montage of video windows at the beginning, it underscores the journey that the main character is taking by the video itself moving around the frame. This is one of those rare cases where an effect is used properly, to enhance the action in the frame, rather than just something cool to do. You might try changing the order of where the windows pop up based on the screen direction that the character is walking in. For example if the character is walking left to right through the frame, start the video window on the left side of the screen, and as he walks off camera to the right, make the next video window pop up on the right hand side of the screen to further accentuate his trip.
That being said though, you may want to think about cutting that sequence all together. I know it’s hard to cut something neat and stylish, but the story really seems to begin when the main character walks through the door to get his mail, so it should probably start there. In the editing room, this is called “killing your babies”. No matter how expensive, difficult, beautiful, etc. the shot is, if it doesn’t move the story forward, it needs to go. This can be hard, but needs to be done.
I like the security camera look and feel of the main part of the video (the one he watches on TV). Though on this rough cut its hard to piece together the plot, probably because of the missing CG elements. My feeling though, is that the chase goes on much to long. You can almost never go wrong by cutting down, and the chase probably could use a lot of trimming. I say probably because again, I’m not sure of the plot here.
Also I think there needs to be more reaction shots of the main character, preferably in close-up. I’m assuming that something weird is happening to him, but I don’t get to see his reaction to it, so I’m left feeling confused, rather than say in suspense. Let me see what the main character is feeling, and it will allow me to empathize with him.
In general you have a very stylized piece here with a lot of great locations. It’s hard to give detailed feedback on the rough-cut, but I look forward to seeing the finished product, please come back an let us see it when you’re through.
JB