Please critique me

1. klopex
   Member

   

   I have posted on youtube my first "dramatic" short film.  It is titled "Shirt."  Shirt is simply a reason to make a movie.  I made it so I could learn and I hope you can give me helpful feedback!  I also hope you will enjoy watching Shirt. 

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   The inspiration for Shirt was a movie called, "Le Elephant."  Le Elephant is the work of another forum member, <font color="#0033cc">januszian</font>.

   (Here is a link to Le Elephant: 

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    )
   Thanks januszian!

   klopex

   Posted 4 years ago #

2. cdanddvdpublisher
   Member

   

   Not bad for a first effort. It needs a plot. I'm curious, what equipment did you use? What did you use for sound effects, what camcorder and editing equipment did you use?

   Posted 4 years ago #

3. tritrinh
   Member

   

   HAHA nice your kid is going to be a famouse pianist someday, Is a great first experiment, personally I don't like tripod shots too much anymore, I like more hand held or steady cam the reason is that when the subject moves or turn you could reframe for pleasant framing, an example is like when you bend down you could reframe and keep your self in good framing from when you bend to when you stood up straight. It feels really stiff when I block my shot on a tripod I use tripod for alot of pan or track now. Some shots in your video could use some brighting up but besides that is great first start.

   Call Sign: 3-2 Bravo

   Posted 4 years ago #

4. klopex
   Member

   

   Thanks for your comments! 
   My equipment:
   Panasonic: PV-GS320
   Pinnacle Systems: Studio 10 Plus Platinum Edition
   There were no sound effects in the video.
   The lack of plot...  I got an idea for a video that I could create and complete.  Plot, etc. are user experience details that were of lesser importance.  I wanted to actually make a movie, which I haven't been doing with my other ideas.  This one I could do and see it to completion.  I am happy about that.

   I think my son stole the show in some audiences.  My wife likes the video, but she would probably be happier if I cut it down to just him on the piano!!  I did all of the work by myself, so tripod shots were my only option.  All lighting in the video was from our normal house lights.  It was evening, so there was no natural light.  I think that the lighting isn't worse because my camera is 3CCD.  It really performs well in low light situations.  A whole lot better than my digital camera!

   I have some friends who I don't see a lot of, but I think they would really get into making some movies with me.  I'll try to use some of your camera advice.

   Thanks again for watching my film.

   Posted 4 years ago #

5. Tom Scratch
   Member

   

   Thanks for pointing out there was no plot!

   Nice images and composition of shots (mostly), good color tone, appropriately lit, except for last shot of drawer (too dark).  Liked your head in the lower lft corner in bathroom shot, rather than balanced.  Shows creativity and good sense of composition.  (Not being sarcastic.)

   The two shots of approaching the doorway, then passing through, almost had a jump cut feel.  Would have worked better if camera didn't show same doorway in almost the same way in second shot.  Maybe you could have got your son to do a pan/tracking shot on you (M.C.U. of shoulders/head) as you passed through doorway.  Not a real blunder, but this transition could have been stronger.

   So you want to do horror films maybe ???  Disorientation/confusion reflected by quick cuts and piano blasts on discovery of shirt is fine.  After that moment of confusion point is made, I did find it odd that you are seen on the left then the right then the left in successive shots.  You just liked the shot of you on the right and couldn't part with it, or WHAT.

   What if you showed yourself walking into the bathroom and there was no shirt there.  You come out and there is the shirt.  How did that happen.  You go to the crib room and your charming son is sound asleep; you can see sheet music for Mozart compositions hanging on side of crib; precocious kid.  You check the other rooms and call out your wife's name.  She's not home.  You go back to the drawer and the shirt is there or not there and you react to that...  Just having some phun here, but that is almost a story.  Half hours of some theatrical films have been fueled by less.

   Good for you for taking the first step.  Nice starter short film.  Watch out about being influenced by the French though.   Many of their films though filled with charm lack for much of a story.  (The greatness of Truffaut always eluded me.)  The exceptions to this can be a real treat, however, worth falling in like with subtitles.  Hope you caught the recent re-release of "Diva."

   REGARDS ... TOM   

   Posted 4 years ago #

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